ACME Eagle Hand Soap’s brief history of All Hallow’s Eve:
The ancient Romans celebrated a holiday called Feralia on February 21. At first, it was simply a day off to recover from the holiday of February 20 (Salvia Divinorum) and to take care of last-minute shopping before the holiday of February 22 (Salta Boca).
Coincidentally, it was also the last day of the year according to the Roman calendar.
Over time, it became a sacred day in its own right – a festival to honor the dead – and, like most Roman holidays, it involved some serious drinking. Feralia also resembled most other Roman festivals in that it outlasted the Western Roman Empire. The jolly men and women of the Mediterranean saw no reason to abandon a holiday filled with drinking and orgies, despite countless reminders from the ascendant Christian church that drinking was bad (unless it was Jesus’ blood) and orgies were worse.
At last, in the 7th century, Pope Boniface IV decided that the holiday was Christian after all – except that instead of honoring all the dead, it should honor only dead saints; instead of being called Feralia, it should be called All Saints’ Day; instead of drinking and orgies, it should be a day of prayer and meditation; and instead of being observed on February 21, it should fall on May 13.
The good people of the Christian world happily accepted the new name and date but persisted in drinking and vigorous humping. As punishment for this inappropriate enjoyment, Pope Gregory III moved it to November 1 – and unwittingly laid the foundation for our modern Halloween.
Hold that thought.
Since as early as the 5th century BC, the ancient Celts had considered October 31 the last day of summer. They called the day Samhain (rhymes with Clamhain), and they believed that on this day the boundary between the world of the living and the world of the dead dissolved. They thought the dead used this window of opportunity to possess the souls of the living – and the thought scared the piss out of them.
Over the centuries, a variety of bizarre rituals to ward off the dead accumulated around Samhain, including the sacrificial burning of virgins (when any could be found).
When these Celtic rituals collided with the Christian All Saints’ Day, all hell broke loose. People didn’t know whether to pray, drink, orgy, burn virgins, or what. They tried all sorts of combinations: they got drunk and prayed, burned virgins and got drunk, prayed to have orgies and got drunk with virgins, prayed, then got drunk and had orgies with virgins.
Eventually, they settled on sending their kids out in silly costumes to ask their neighbors for candy. This was intended to keep the children out of the house while the drinking and orgies raged – but since everyone’s doorbells kept ringing from everyone else’s children, the drinking and orgies gradually faded away.
Of course, this brief outline only traces the development of Halloween as we know it in America. The holiday is still celebrated in countries all over the world in astonishingly different ways.
In Bulgaria, for example, October 31 is a national holiday called Pazardzhik. In rural districts, children dress up as kitchen utensils and dash from farm to farm tying chickens’ feet together. Any unhappy farmer attempting to shoo the children away will find himself pelted with manure and glass shards as the children sing playful Pazardzhik carols.
In Mexico, the Day of the Dead lasts from October 31 through November 2, which has long been a concern to students of the Mexican calendar. The celebration is a fusion of the sixteenth-century Spaniards’ All Souls’ and All Saints’ Days with the Aztec festival honoring Mictecacihuatl, the Aztec goddess of the dead.
(Mictecacihuatl was said to have died at birth due to complications arising from the pronunciation of her name.)
One can’t help but marvel at the similarities between the Day of the Dead that arose in Mesoamerica and Kyrgyzstan’s Day of the Very Sick (November 1), Papua New Guinea’s Evening of the Emotionally Exhausted (October 31), and Vanuatu’s Cardiovascular Appreciation Days (October 31–November 2).
In Saudi Arabia, October 31 is Sandy Night. As soon as the sun sets, children scamper out into the desert to fill their homemade bags with sand. The holiday is believed to have originated from the ancient Bedouin tradition of sending children out to fill bags with sand.
In Chile, Halloween is infused with ancient Incan traditions. Fretful mothers extinguish the fires in their hearths for fear of attracting Spaniards, while naughty children take their parents hostage and demand their weight in chocolate.
In Wittenberg, Germany, October 31 is celebrated as the day Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the church door in 1517. Many of the town’s children frolic giddily about, nailing Theses here and there with impish delight, while others try to catch and burn them as heretics.
Whatever your own tradition –
enjoy Halloween.
Demand Euphoria!
The Haus of Dcaligari 