On this day in 1789, Congress proposed twelve amendments to the Constitution of the United States. Habeas Corpus Luteum and Freedom from Unreasonably Surging Seashores were ultimately rejected, but the other ten passed and became known as the Bill of Rights.
In honor of this grand occasion, I’ve chosen to celebrate my favorite amendment, in the hopes that it might also soon become yours. I am speaking, of course, of the Ninth Amendment. Like Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, the Constitution’s Ninth is the standard against which all others must be measured. Unlike Beethoven’s, however, it doesn’t climax with a resounding choral tribute to Joy – hough I’d argue Congress missed a real opportunity there.
Here is the Ninth Amendment in all its glory:
“The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.”
This vital clause should not be neglected just because of a few awkwardly placed commas (though, let’s face it, James Madison could have used Grammarly).
For example, under the First Amendment, I have the enumerated right to say any stupid thing that pops into my head. (This should not be confused with the responsibility to do so, which is reserved for journalists and late-night comedians. Donald Trump seems confused on this point.) My right not to listen to anyone else’s idiotic opinion, however, is unenumerated -but no less crucial.
Under the Second Amendment, I am granted the right to stockpile dangerous weapons to preserve peace and order. My unenumerated but equally sacred right is not to be caught in the crossfire while you unload a couple of clips at a Sunday school picnic. (The NRA seems to have skimmed that part.)
The Eighth Amendment guarantees I cannot be drawn and quartered, boiled in pitch, burned at the stake, or- most mercifully – forced to watch the movie Cats. What it doesn’t guarantee is my right to be properly entertained, which frankly should have been spelled out.
So today, let us give thanks to the Ninth Amendment, that unsung hero, which preserves us not only from the tyranny of government, but from the far more dangerous tyranny of one another.
And so it goes
The Haus of Dcaligari 