Stand by for another ACME PSA

Bunkies, as we tell you every summer: avoid mosquitoes at all costs —

they’re no good!

Though not as top of mind as Legionnaires’ disease, mosquito-borne diseases like dengue fever and West Nile virus are once again on the rise in New York City – as they have been in the past. Beyond being itch-provoking summer pests, mosquitoes kill more than an estimated one million people around the world each year. That makes them deadlier than any other animal on Earth – humans included. The World Health Organization estimates that between 300 and 500 million cases of malaria occur annually. Malaria is transmitted person to person via a one-celled parasite carried by female mosquitoes when they suck our blood.

ACME takes some pride in this (not the deaths, mind you, but in reporting on them), and once again we would like to publish this important health update:

It’s not always easy to discern whether or not a given mosquito is carrying the malaria parasite, so the prudent move is to avoid all mosquitoes..

This may be unfair to innocent mosquitoes who mean you no harm – the so-called “moderate” mosquitoes  – but political niceties must be subordinated to threats to your survival.

It’s important to remember that mosquitoes are masters of disguise. With a little makeup or a fancy hat, any mosquito can take on the appearance of several other species. They cannot, however, conceal their stingers.

Avoid all insects with stingers. If you encounter one that claims its stinger is merely a golf club wedged into its rectum, do not believe it: insects don’t golf

Do not open your doors or windows to strangers before ascertaining whether or not they’re mosquitoes. If they acknowledge being mosquitoes but deny carrying the malaria parasite, do not trust them. Some mosquitoes may even offer to show you a doctor’s certificate, but such evidence is meaningless – they may have picked up the malaria parasite in the time elapsed since their last checkup.

Upon your ole doctor’s advice: Continue to drink large quantities of Gin and Tonics during these summer months.