Saint Vitalis of Assisi (not to be confused with St. Vitalis of Milan, patron saint of grey haired Lotharios) was an Italian hermit and monk who died in 1370. He became a saint despite an early life marked by licentiousness and immorality. However, in an attempt to atone he went on pilgrimages to various sanctuaries.
On his return to Umbria, he became a Benedictine monk at Subiaco and later lived as a hermit. He spent the rest of his life in the hermitage of Santa Maria di Viole, near Assisi, in utter poverty. His reputation for holiness soon spread after his death. He was known as a patron against sicknesses and diseases affecting the genitals.
The severed head alleged to belong to the patron saint of genital diseases was sold in 2011 at auction. If the reliquary ever comes up for sale again, snap it up – Bunkies, nothing says love like the rotting skull of the saint of the burning loins.
There are at least five other Saints who glommed onto the name St. Vitalis:
Saint Vitalis of Ravenna
Saint Vitalis of Bologna
Saint Vitalis of Gaza
Saint Vitalis of Savigny
Saint Vitalis of Milan, martyred in 250 under the persecution of Decius
So try to keep this all straight in your mind when you’re praying to a saint to cure your STDs.
And so it goes
The Haus of Dcaligari 